Passion for Words

My positive thinking reading reveals that what we are most passionate about, is our true purpose.  When we are truly absorbed, unable to “put-it-down”, we are experiencing the life our higher power intended.

I’ve been absorbed by writing since childhood.  However, I wavered and therefore became an artist.  The reason I abandoned my dream can be found on this former blog post At sixty-five I’ve embraced the power of positive thinking.

Instead of writing, I created two-dimensional art.  I peddled my art for money.

My first art-for-money-peddling experience was when my son Matt was an infant.  I wished to buy my then husband a gift.  I wanted that gift not to be bought with “his” money.  My goal was to earn enough, on my own, to purchase something he might relish.

I drew black and white pencil and ink sketches of wildlife.  With my baby on my back, I headed out to hawk my drawings.  I found several places willing to buy my work.  Then I found one gallery owner willing to barter. I traded several drawings for a large print of two duck decoys.  My then husband loved duck paintings.

Later I was able to gift him a set of golf clubs by bartering with a Wilson representative. I traded a large watercolor painting of Lafayette’s Headquarters in Chadds Ford Pennsylvania for those irons, wedges, and woods.

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I painted on pretty much every possible surface simply to make money. I painted on glassware for my store Whimsical Rose.  I painted on walls, I painted a portrait (Ed O’Bradovich, Dan Hampton and a roll of Duct Tape).  But painting was never my passion.  Painting never sucked me in, inducing me to lose whole days enthralled by brushing color on canvas.

Long ago God lit a fire under me to write.  I’m unsure exactly what he wants me to say.  But I’ll just keep writing.  Posting my posts.  Dreaming my dreams and manifesting a life as a writer.

I just ordered Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones.  I read it years ago.  It was extremely inspiring.  Back then, however, I was a painter.  Not now.  Now I’m a writer.  And this writer intends to reread and be inspired once again.

At sixty-five I’ve embraced the power of positive thinking.

I am reading psychologist Kelly Flanagan’s book,  Loveable.  My son Matt, knowing I have embraced the power of positive thinking concept, introduced me to  Loveable.  I immediately ordered it on Amazon.com.  Thirty seconds later I had manifested Loveable into my mailbox.  (How does Amazon do that?  Do they have little magicians waving wands, making mailbox magic happen?)

This book is wonderful.  As stated on the back cover, “Loveable is written to the little one in each of us who is all too ready to be reminded: You are enough, you are not alone, and you matter.”

I’m not done the book yet.  It’s a read  I want to savor.  Sip slowly.  The insights are profound.  The pages I just completed speak to finding our passion.  Our passion can usually be unearthed in the memories of what lit us up when we were kids.  What lit me up was writing.

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I also recently read Deepak Chopra.

My earliest writing memory took place at Grove Point Girl Scout Camp.   (Girl Scout camp was a horrible experience and included my first enema.  That’s a story for another day.)  While at camp I met a Hispanic girl.  I’d never known any Hispanic kids.  She was dark, slim, had an accent, wore a flower in her hair and an air of mystery.  I remember sitting on a bench near the camp lake and writing a story about her.  I loved that story, and like most authors believed my written words were diamonds.  No, not diamonds in the rough.  Faceted, sparkling, brilliant gems.

Fast forward to college.  In the summer of 1969 I was a University of Delaware “summer qualifier.”  Basically that meant I’d had such terrible grades in high school I had to prove myself bright enough to become a U of D student.

The University wasn’t unfair for making be a qualifier.  I’d been a lousy high school student.  Over the years I’ve reasoned that must have been since my sister is rocket scientist bright.  She even skipped her senior year and vaulted right into U of D’s nursing program, where she consistently got 4.0 grades.   I told myself I felt I couldn’t compete so why try?

That’s a lie.  The reason I got bad grades was because I didn’t like to study.  I would use any excuse to get out of doing my homework.  I clearly recollect one evening walking into the kitchen where mom and dad were drinking sherry out of small Welches jelly jar  glasses.   Deep in conversation about Daddy’s miserable day, they barely registered me on their radar when I said, “I have to go to the store before I can do homework. I need a pencil.”

We had a desk filled with pencils.  Yellow Eberhard-Faber wooden pencils with pink erasers.  Mechanical pencils using slim. easily broken lead (Daddy was civil engineer).  Colored pencils.  We had pencils of every possible type.  I clearly did not need to go buy another pencil.   But mom and dad were so engrossed in hashing through his daily grind they simply waved me on.

I just did not study.  Studying wasn’t fun and if something wasn’t fun I wasn’t planning to participate.  I’m still a lot like that.

As a summer qualifier I was required to take two classes.  A history class of some sort that involved dreadful studying and tests using blue books.  I loathed it.

The other class was English.  The professor had us do a lot of creative writing.  For the first time in my school life I began to make all A’s.  I remember one story I wrote in which I created characters a lot like Rob and Laura Petrie of the Dick Van Dyke show.  That particular tale earned me not only an A, but conversation with the professor. He asked me why I was in the class.  He couldn’t figure out why an intelligent kid had accidentally been placed with all the dim bulbs.

I told him, “I’m here because I’m a summer qualifier.”

After that my English grades went to  hell-in-a-handbasket.   Back in 1969 I didn’t put two and two together, but I now see the professor must have begun to doubt.  He doubted his ability to realize I was a dunce.

Consequently I began to doubt.  I gave up my dreams of writing.  I clearly wasn’t smart enough.  I told my little one the thing she was passionate about was impossible.  I moved on to my second best passion:  Art.

My little one and I have happily hooked up again.  We are sharing our passion: Writing.   Little One still sees every word as a diamond.  I know better, but I’m putting them out there anyhow.

Yay for us!   I hope you and your passionate little one get together.  It’s fun.  Best of all, there’s no studying.

Loveable Kelly Flanagan    Click here to learn more